1. aside: the artist's rights are not important anymore. shut up about the artist. this is a national project now.

2. you don't understand how government works.

3. you are right. i don't understand how it does not work. 

4. either.

5. for art? are you mad. note: no question mark.

6. i will be arrested. how many disadvantaged rural woman will benefit? from art? what is this art? they will be put me and the DG in jail.

7. brown is the colour of poverty.

8. but no one will see it if it is brown. it's supposed to be bright blue. like the sea. just like poverty, it will be invisible if it is brown.

9. don't interrupt me young lady. brown is the colour of poverty.

10. and my hair.

11. and your beautiful assistant's skin.

12. i don't know why you are at this meeting. who asked you?

13. i think we should get together in the premier business lounge so i can explain to you how government works.

14. no. she can't come in here. she is not a member.

15. whispers aside. ok. give her one biscuit.

16. you must fly here right now so we can shout at you.

1. Schultz The Cat, today.

2. The sound of Schultz, also today.

3. The fifteen years since Schultz adopted us one night in the rain.

4. The names we used to call Schultz before he told our friend Willem his name was Schultz, long ago. These were  Catastrophe, Catatonic and other rude words starting with C-a-t.

5. The night that Schultz spoke English out loud to our friend Willem, at the fireside, long ago.

6. The phone call we got from Willem's wife Tonia (the next day) to say Willem was freaked out because the cat spoke to him in English. Out loud. She said he said the cat said "Tell these people my name is Schultz."

7. The milk for Schultz.

8. The particularly territorial nature Schultz lent to the atmosphere here in highveld indigenous.

9. The ways we had to learn to live with each other.

10. In the Psalm of My Hand, a poem that was right here, briefly, before this post took its place, also today.

11. Shortlived.

12. The long life

Who knows where they went and what is to become of them?

He used to get comfortable with you, on your lap, for long by the fire. When you were completely at peace he'd put the claw in fierce. We became estranged. When the plague of rats ran through the wider reserve we went to find a new, young cat. On the way there we decided to look for two so they would be a bit of a team staking their claim to Schultz's turf. Schultz would have you killed by the dogs. He had done it before I felt it in the atmosphere between us, me and the dogs and the cat.

We came home with three kittens

Schultz found himself older, repositioned. I gave him milk and confessed to him. None of the others get milk. I am happy he died quietly at home, and sad. The silence of a few cars going past. Wondering, who was Schultz.

1. Chinese Year of Ox (Full Title: Inevitable Serendipitious)

2. Up against Age of No You Can't Take A Photograph Here I Have to Call My Boss

3. Perpetual Fine (Traffic, State of Mind, Weather Influence)

4. Hitting Head On as above (Source Wikimedia.org Author: viZZZual.com + God)

5. I am so sorry for your mistake (lifetime habit) relates to African customs and traditions, see also:

6. Uskies baas (Req. Balaclava in hand)

7. Smoked Salmon in times of Hardship & Famine

8. Damp Walls (House, Facebook, Stomach Lining)

9. No (Dreams)

10. Why not? (Dreams II)

11. Unfortunately your lotto results did not match (Surreal Dreams III)

12. Blessing in Heavy Disguise

13. The Obfuscators (Name of Motley Band of Financial Consultants, Acapella)

14. Pigmentation (Birthmark, Available Palette)

15. $USD1bn and climbing in spam bucket, incl. complimentary Large Member Ship

16. Obsessive Compulsive Procrastination

17. Dread Locks

18. Not Enough (Ever & Form to Complete)

19. Could you repeat the question please? (Are you Iron Deficient?)

20. Yid Leaning

21. Lunatic unhappy woman who will not let her children see their sane and very nice father.

Dear Soni

Please will you ask the Star if they will place these short opportunity advertisements in their Classified Section? Please advise them this we are offering this as a one-off opportunity - i.e. the placement is in exchange for improving the quality of the content thereof and by so doing should help them attract increased paying customers.

Should they have an issue with this please advise them that we have found this strategy to work very well with musicians and other performing artists for the last century. Just use the word exposure a lot.

Yours sincerely

_______________________

#lesfoliesnemesis

Advertisements: Texts for Placement

1. An opportunity exists for extremely fast, efficient and experienced typists to work in our famous office for free in exchange for the possibility of being noticed.

2. Ceo's with their masters in something important-sounding and at least 10 years of experience are requested to present original corporate multi-national takeover strategies in Board Room Number 3 at the Convention Centre. The Ceo's may use the Board Room at no charge including the data projector and the management of the Convention Centre will dish out complimentary tickets to perspirant executives. It is envisaged that these innovative meetings will draw attention to the compelling new facilities in Board Room No 3, especially the sponsored chairs, now with upholstery.

3. Specialist builders who are able to cast complex concrete forms and who wish to show these skills to potential paying employers are requested to cast a unique concrete chair without legs for the exclusive use of the Shopping Centre named after The Man over the next 10 days. Engineered design drawings are available for a fee at the office. Note that no payment of costs will be affected but many potential employers have been invited and we are confident they will attend as we are flooded. Builders are advised to supply their own water.

4. Shopping Centre Marketing Managers do not miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to expose your skills to Property Developers at the Shopexpo Stage. A simulated fire crisis will be implemented and you and your colleagues can compete in front of developers to expose your talents for attracting monetized foot traffic despite - and even because of - the gutted nature of the crisis.

5. Master chefs may make free use of the kitchens in the basement but are requested to ensure the pre-paid electricity meter is fed well and timeously.

~ The Troyeville Alphabet Occupier is for my darling Uncle Danny who has spent his whole life                                                                                      being good at games and making our lives beautiful ~

He is here with Sonia and Bee (the redhead sisters, my aunt and my mom) and their folks, Boba Chaya and Zaida Dovid, pictured outside 23A Ampthill Avenue in Benoni where they lived.

 This is the first time the Occupier has been recorded. It is primarily the invention of the Troyeville Tea Garden Chairman, now occupying elsewhere, with the hearty contributions of summonsed friends. Michael was a lot like Danny and they got on like two houses on fire. 

"Aged forty something" belongs to Chris Tokalon who phoned one night more than a decade ago to blurt it out before he said hello. It took me a while to realise what he was on about: We had spent some warm music nights around the fire with beans curry, trying to figure out H-for but we could not crack it despite the presence of Rand Show Prize Winning Herb and Similar Wit.

Some of these may also belong to the original cockney form and some are blank for you, as are those you think you can improve. 

a for mentioned

b for you know it

c for Gumede

d for Kate

e for ria

f fort Lesley

g for indian?

h forty something

i for get or i for fit

j fok off

k for Semenya

l for Romeo or l for pixie

m for

n for cement

o for tin

p for relief

q for service

t for dentures

u for president Danny Dancig

v for Martha Mhlanga viva!

w for

x foliate or x for jou Suid-Afrika

y for art thou gone so long?

z for

________________________________________________________________________________________________

After having summarily knocked out Suzanna's m for leni in favour of Jon's m for sis i found the Cockney alphabet on good old Wikipedia. And there of course I see m for sis is already 'traditional' as is beef or mutton which I always thought was an original from Michael. Hmm. Goes to show. There's also another version on the pedia which includes d for kate and a few other gems but I am now convinced that our own here one is fabulous in the making. We are very good all of us. Keep mulling. Here's the link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cockney_alphabet.>

Look at the comments for clarity - you can only see them though if you click on the title and go to the page - i.e. you won't see comments if you get to this post from the home page.

perhaps by making lists of the small catastrophes they will be rendered useless or, acceptable. i doubt it though, as they are the kinds of pathetic disasters that are predictable things that happen only when you do not expect them. so you are powerless against them even if some of them have elements of what you want in them.

1. big new shower rose drips ice cold water on back while in hot bath comfort zone.

2. hard piano corner finds soft place between obscure fingers.

3. electric gate's eccentric way of not working - half-opening, then half-closing, then closing, then making strange vibrating laughing sound, when in hurry.

4. electric gate working when holding remote close to ear. martha says it's the brain.

5. mother leaves car lights on so battery dies during deadline meeting and she has to go now.

6. sister's roof leaks all over newly renovated salon.

7. other sister's ceiling falls on her while sleeping.

8. alarm goes off in middle of night for no known reason.

9. son leaves hard-worked essay at home and gets detention.

10. cat brings live struggling rat at 2 o'clock in morning.

11. dream of spider laying eggs in hair and crawling off fast with sac full of what looks like last night's sweet chilli sauce.

12. followed by dream of not finding any top to wear despite being picked up to go to important meeting. going to meeting topless. asking driver to bring me home to look for top before meeting after feeling the toplessness. still not finding top or martha to help find top. deciding to forget about going to meeting.

13. being protected by being misinformed or not being told at all.

14. finding out too late and by accident.

15. not being able to complain for fear of hurting nice people's feelings.

16. knowing in advance the list is incomplete.

1. delete me

2. rebooting failed

3. get new extremely hard disk

4. take nadine soup

5. replace memory stick

6. set table

7. check was i born

8. do not use this as a password

9. eat good food

10. use writing table at window

11. duck poem

12. line up against wall

13. kiss mom

14. more than one long pause

16. buddhist dealer

17. arbitary number

18. from side to side

Keyword searches, chance encounters with this blog.

There are a lot of spam-inspired landings. The highest volumes of frisks are for the post about the stupid sms, but they are not from people interested in the feelings of bad timing.  No. They are mostly searches for the fake lotto hustlers from inbox owners also hit by their deluge. Perhaps some are from cyber-sleuths tracking virus-infesting hackers, though I prefer thinking they are just more cheap sleazebags, purveyors of empty good fortune getting to know their competition, learn some new tricks. And coming to #lesfolies to look for them. Odd.

And then there's these ~ bright preoccupations:

letter-writing

tender-writing

how to construct a thrashed dustbin

buy unpasteurized milk in Benoni

"strange thoughts about time"

The last phrase in inverted commas, from out of Japan, so specific.

- things that don't work anymore

- things that don't work so well anymore

- things that got broken

- things that were broken in the first place

- things that were smashed

- things that used to work

- things that suddenly don't work anymore

- things that are thrown away

- things that are put aside

- things you remember

- things no one wants

- things fools want

- things someone might like to fix

- things from which someone may try to salvage something

- things you live with